Before I start I just want to say how pissed off I am from last night. I had written this wonderful post and the fucking blogger erased it when it was time to fucking publish it . I just wanted to say F-U and your F-ing system.
Moving on in anger...... hence the red
1 - I dont shake mens hands when I meet-n-greet.
Listen I have a germ thing ever since I actually saw my BF pee for the first time. Mens hands are disgusting. There involves grabbing of a Peter and then general shaking to remove any pee droplets that remain. Those pee droplets stay on the hands if shaken vigorously. And guess what not all men wash there hands. For the most part they enjoy having pee on their hands for the rest of the day - contaminating everything they touch.
Just thinking about it makes me dry heave....
I had an incident once where my friend introduced me to some guy. Of course, the traditional handshake came about - and I just looked at his hand smiled and said hello... He got very offended and said to me "This is how rude you are to people that are expressing a hello ?" And my lovely sensibilities said "Hell yeah, I dont know where your hands have been. "
Followed with his whisper to my friend "Youre friend is rude and a bitch."
And you know my ass had to say something "Thats why you whispered it; you punk ass bitch"
And I walked away minding my own business with a pee-free hand. :)
Listen, I dont give a shit if youre the president of the United States of America (not that I would wannnnnnt to shake his ignorant ass) I am not shaking your pee-hand dammit!
2. My turn on spot is on the inside of my elbow.
Forget about it. If you lick the inside part of my elbow Im all yours. Theres no knowing what will happen!!
3. I dont do Fat Guys.
This is the shallow side of me speaking. I have never and will never (if I break up with my BF- sooner than later) date,hookup,be seen with, kiss, fornicate, or bang a fat guy. I cant do it. I am too selfconscious about my own weight to be worrying about somebody elses fat skins that touch my own skin. Yuckkkkkk. Its just disgusting to think about. And after recently seeing Borat - and actually seeing a naked FAAAATT man I am really never ever going to have anything to do with a man that is overweight.
I have a friend of mine who just loved herself some fat-boys. Man that shit makes me quiver.... ehhh
4. I have a specific routine that must be followed in the mornings. If routine is broken I cant function.
Im sure a lot of you have this problem. But I seriously cant have this routine broken - because if I do, I am a total peice of shit the rest of the day and am no use to myself, my co-workers, my boss, or my teachers. Dont expect me to do any work, listen to your bullshit banter, dont expect to me to participate in class, and please allow me to sleep while you lecture - because as far as Im concerned I have pre-paid the course.
Routine - 1) Stretch when wake up
2) Allow 3 mins of eye adjustment - I am blind as a bat so without my glasses or contacts I cant see shit. So in the mornings I need time to adjust my blindness/blurryness that awaits me.
3) Pee before entering the shower. (in the toilet) I am sorry but, I dont pee on my feet like most of you like to - thats what toilets are for.
4) Shower - if I dont shower after I wake up - I am a mess and feel dirty and tired the rest of the day.
5) Dry myself
6) Brush my teef and scrub em - real good.
7) Put on underwear, then bra, then clothes.
8) Do my hair & makeup.
9) Collect my things from my room, place them on dinner table, feed my dogs and replace water. And go on my merry way.
5. I have to have atleast 3 cigarrettes in the morning.
I am addicted to nicotine its my vice - everyones got one. Atleast they helped me kick that drug habit I had back when I was 16 lol. Doesnt that count as improvement?
6. I stop listening to people who talk too much.
I have a natural nack for this. If someone starts talking and is uninteresting I stop listening. I grew to enjoy this gift after dating some pretty pathetic guys. Back in the day - my style of men were thugs, and let me tell you something, if there are one species that like to to talk shit its the thugs. They can just go on and on about shit - especially when their drunk or high. So whenever my Bf talks about his days at work (police stuff) I put on my invisible earplugs n knod my head with a few "for real?" "No way- that mother fucker". Or when some of my professors talk in class and I havent a clue as to what they are saying because I didnt read up on the material ahead of time. The Invisible plugs come and and all I can Hear is that refreshing "WHomp WHomp" from Charlie Brown - I trance out and pretend to write notes - instead I write ideas to write on my next post for this blog....Or I write secret fat jokes, or asian jokes about the Japanese guy in my class that speaks english - but still sounds like Japanese to me. Hmph, I wonder if anyone else laughs as hard inside as I do when he talks....
Anyways..THose are MEME 6 Wierd things about me.
TAGGING: REDACTED and JENNY and My Life as Judy and Listen to Leon and Daily Views, Pop Culture, Rants, and News
No comments:
Post a Comment