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NETFLIX FUNNIES

I think its the funniest thing in the world when i skim through movies on Netflix and findmyself being more entertained by the publics' reviews than the actual movies that i rent sometimes. I mean damn, i have crossed paths with some funny motherfuckers.

So i decided to do a weekly set of what i call NETFLIX FUNNIES. Yeap, today I will start out with a movie i have had in my Queue ever since I saw it on another movies' previews. Anyways - the movie is called the DESCENT. its a supernatural thriller and its predictable - but i like those kinds of movies.

My first NETFLIX FUNNY goes by the name of Mr. Goodbear. For some reason i find it to be ironic...here is his review of the movie.



MrGoodBear
If you like your movies dark, visually or spiritually, youll love this one. If you counted the color of all the pixels in this film I bet 90% would be black. I hate this style. I hate this technique. I hated this movie. Most of the scenes in the cave are so dark you dont know who is being eaten alive and I ended up not really caring. Plot points are so sometimes so contrived you can feel your own IQ dropping as you watch this inept mess. My brother told me he stopped watching it after the first five minutes. My brother was always smarter than me.

UPDATE:

I SAW THE MOVIE, I ENJOYED IT. I THINK WHAT MR GOODBEAR FORGOT WHILE WATCHING THE MOVIE - IS THAT ITS A MOVIE ABOUT BEING STUCK IN A CAAAVVEEEE. And that the "darkness" is supposed to add suspense and chaos while watching the movie.

Peepers in the Yard

So i ran into this article that is hilarious. In Europe, they have the funniest solutions to certain things i swear. Anyways check out this article. Tell me its not funny! I dare you. Its just simply ridiculous.




Peeping Tom Ordered To Wear Fluorescent Jacket At Night

March 29, 2007

In the first order by a British court of its kind, a 24-year-old man has been ordered to wear a fluorescent jacket when he ventures out at night.

The man, Stephen Cooper, pleaded guilty to voyeurism in a British court after he confessed to peeking into a woman's window on the night of Jan. 11. Judge Peter Dedman of the Southend Crown Court ordered him to wear a jacket until his final sentencing in May.

The Daily Mail quotes Dedman as saying, "I think it is appropriate such an order should be made for the protection of the public - in particular women alone, either at home or work or in the street, and also for his own protection to stop him offending."

The diamond driller, of South Ockendon, Essex, admitted he crept into a woman's garden and spied on her through a crack in her curtains.

If you didnt like that one, i got one more. Check , check, check it out.... see what, what , whats it all about:

Chicago Woman Claims Virgin Mary Appear On Pet Turtle

August 28, 2006 by

An 81-year-old lady from Chicago, Illinois claims the image of the Virgin Mary has appeared on the stomach of a sand turtle her grandson bought for her.

Shirley McVane claims the Virgin Mary, one of the most revered figures in the Roman Catholic Church visited her home because their house if "holy."

Her daughter Dolly Fordyce, 58, told the Chicago Sun, "I thought we were going crazy the first time I saw it. I looked at it and said, 'It can't be.' But then I looked again. I mean, you can't deny it."

McVane adds, "She came to a holy house. I think she came to visit us so God knows she's happy and safe."

But the Archdiocese of Chicago said the church tolerates such things if it brings the faithful back to God. Dianne Dunagan, spokeswoman for the Archdiocese said "If something like that causes people to think about God and pray, that's a good thing.

"Time usually takes care of these things. If it gets to the point where people are flocking to this thing, the church will call in experts. If people forget about it, it may just fade away."

The traditionally conservative Roman Catholic Church conducts exhaustive investigations into reported apparitions before confirming if it is genuine or not.

Why I Love You

Why wouldnt i love you?
You are only my favorite color.

You are bright.

You made my eyes come outta my head.

My heart skipped a beat when i laid eyes on you.

You are a peeping toe-shoe.

I love peepers - they are sexy, and its one way for women with ugly feet to lie to men before they sleep with them that they have nice feet. I on the other hand am on the other band wagon - because i have sexy feet. Especially when my toes have red nail polish.

The heal is the perfect height.

And its got a small platform.

Whats the best part about this shoe?

I can wear it with anything:
A cute dress
A cute pair of shorts - preferably grey with a top thats got some splash of yellow - maybe even a cute yellow head band...hmmmmm lovely
A cute pair of jeans but nothing that will cover them - they would be maybe ankle high or calf high....yeahh thats nice

But mosty cause you could wear it with a nice cute spring dress.

Whats even better about this adorable heel-peep-toe? Its only 22 bucks from Wet Seal...I am off tomorrow and intend to shop for 4 things. Maybe if i find the right outfit i will buy it...

What can be better?

What can be better than going on line n picking out dresses that you want to wear but cannot afford?


Oh this is the internet tease of mindless window shopping. This keeps the lazy people from venturing out, wasting expensive gas money, and useless painful walking, with an additional stab to the chest for not being able to purchase such a lovely item.

Sadder part about it? Its on sale. I have made this tiny new years resolution (all depending on where i would work and how much money i would have) on being able to actually spend on nice clothes - but with my pathetic paycheck n ridiculous time spent on "educating" myself i havent been able to. Not to mention the actual ridiculous pride I carry on not being able to work crappy part times. This is all due to my mother's teachings of "just because you're an immigrant doesnt mean you have to work at Burger King".
Not that im dissing you BK loving workers, but i can never serve food. im way toooo emotionally unstable for that. If i were to see a 6 year old whining for a cheese burger when he got a chicken sandwhich and running around like a bat outta hell - i would jump over the counter and slap the shit out of the mother - then dangle her son from the roof and yelling "whos you daddy now you lil shit"

My career in "how may i hlep you " would diminish quicker than Anna Nicoles weight on Trim Spa.

FUNNY PICTURES OF THE WEEK

Here is the funny pic of the week. I usually leave this for Fridays or Saturdays, but better late than never eh? Anyways - I have Spring break this week - that means no school WOO HOO . I still gotta go to my shit job. I cant wait to see what the deal is when I find my new job - someday anyways.

I actually had a nice getty to go to yesterday. I saw some friends I hadnt seen in a long time and I had a good time. A selected few of them will be attending by grad-party. I cant wait to have it. Its gonna be a total celebration of freedom. I believe that I will be leaving atleast a year open to strt my Masters. That way Ill be able to get into my "career". What ever that career is. I am looking into getting my 440 license and start making some bread with this fucking Bachelors.

Man, going to this small getty reminds me of all the fucking great times we had at my friends house. WE use to be fucking crazy. And looking at all of us 10 years later - we have matured...most of us for the most part. The other half has just been able to coexist with todays 'normalized' society..or atleeast blended in enough to not be picked outta crowd easily.
Im still waiting for our social drinking to become more sofisticated.
Maybe thats just a figmant that will never become a reality. Who knows. But heres to looking out for something that will cause less accidents and less pot smoking in suburbia.

MEME: SIX WEIRD THINGS ABOUT ME

I know, I know, I am a little late on this but whatever atleast its getting done right? Thats waht frieking counts. Apparently my wonderful Mi-Ninja tagged me (Home Improvement Ninja).
Before I start I just want to say how pissed off I am from last night. I had written this wonderful post and the fucking blogger erased it when it was time to fucking publish it . I just wanted to say F-U and your F-ing system.

Moving on in anger...... hence the red

1 - I dont shake mens hands when I meet-n-greet.
Listen I have a germ thing ever since I actually saw my BF pee for the first time. Mens hands are disgusting. There involves grabbing of a Peter and then general shaking to remove any pee droplets that remain. Those pee droplets stay on the hands if shaken vigorously. And guess what not all men wash there hands. For the most part they enjoy having pee on their hands for the rest of the day - contaminating everything they touch.
Just thinking about it makes me dry heave....

I had an incident once where my friend introduced me to some guy. Of course, the traditional handshake came about - and I just looked at his hand smiled and said hello... He got very offended and said to me "This is how rude you are to people that are expressing a hello ?" And my lovely sensibilities said "Hell yeah, I dont know where your hands have been. "
Followed with his whisper to my friend "Youre friend is rude and a bitch."
And you know my ass had to say something "Thats why you whispered it; you punk ass bitch"

And I walked away minding my own business with a pee-free hand. :)
Listen, I dont give a shit if youre the president of the United States of America (not that I would wannnnnnt to shake his ignorant ass) I am not shaking your pee-hand dammit!

2. My turn on spot is on the inside of my elbow.

Forget about it. If you lick the inside part of my elbow Im all yours. Theres no knowing what will happen!!

3. I dont do Fat Guys.

This is the shallow side of me speaking. I have never and will never (if I break up with my BF- sooner than later) date,hookup,be seen with, kiss, fornicate, or bang a fat guy. I cant do it. I am too selfconscious about my own weight to be worrying about somebody elses fat skins that touch my own skin. Yuckkkkkk. Its just disgusting to think about. And after recently seeing Borat - and actually seeing a naked FAAAATT man I am really never ever going to have anything to do with a man that is overweight.

I have a friend of mine who just loved herself some fat-boys. Man that shit makes me quiver.... ehhh

4. I have a specific routine that must be followed in the mornings. If routine is broken I cant function.

Im sure a lot of you have this problem. But I seriously cant have this routine broken - because if I do, I am a total peice of shit the rest of the day and am no use to myself, my co-workers, my boss, or my teachers. Dont expect me to do any work, listen to your bullshit banter, dont expect to me to participate in class, and please allow me to sleep while you lecture - because as far as Im concerned I have pre-paid the course.

Routine - 1) Stretch when wake up

2) Allow 3 mins of eye adjustment - I am blind as a bat so without my glasses or contacts I cant see shit. So in the mornings I need time to adjust my blindness/blurryness that awaits me.

3) Pee before entering the shower. (in the toilet) I am sorry but, I dont pee on my feet like most of you like to - thats what toilets are for.

4) Shower - if I dont shower after I wake up - I am a mess and feel dirty and tired the rest of the day.

5) Dry myself

6) Brush my teef and scrub em - real good.

7) Put on underwear, then bra, then clothes.

8) Do my hair & makeup.

9) Collect my things from my room, place them on dinner table, feed my dogs and replace water. And go on my merry way.

5. I have to have atleast 3 cigarrettes in the morning.

I am addicted to nicotine its my vice - everyones got one. Atleast they helped me kick that drug habit I had back when I was 16 lol. Doesnt that count as improvement?

6. I stop listening to people who talk too much.

I have a natural nack for this. If someone starts talking and is uninteresting I stop listening. I grew to enjoy this gift after dating some pretty pathetic guys. Back in the day - my style of men were thugs, and let me tell you something, if there are one species that like to to talk shit its the thugs. They can just go on and on about shit - especially when their drunk or high. So whenever my Bf talks about his days at work (police stuff) I put on my invisible earplugs n knod my head with a few "for real?" "No way- that mother fucker". Or when some of my professors talk in class and I havent a clue as to what they are saying because I didnt read up on the material ahead of time. The Invisible plugs come and and all I can Hear is that refreshing "WHomp WHomp" from Charlie Brown - I trance out and pretend to write notes - instead I write ideas to write on my next post for this blog....Or I write secret fat jokes, or asian jokes about the Japanese guy in my class that speaks english - but still sounds like Japanese to me. Hmph, I wonder if anyone else laughs as hard inside as I do when he talks....

Anyways..THose are MEME 6 Wierd things about me.

TAGGING: REDACTED and JENNY and My Life as Judy and Listen to Leon and Daily Views, Pop Culture, Rants, and News

The Departed

Here it is - The 2nd weekend of Interesting picture day. I liked this one because - well I wonder what sex would be like with this guy - could he bend me into a pretzel and stick it in? Ehhhhh I will leave it at that.

I want to talk about some of the films that I had recommended that I have been able to see.


Well, I want to start with obvously - The Departed
If you have not seen this movi e- I suggest you see it because you are missing out on one of the most creative - and unbelievably good acting movies. There is so much good acting in this movie and so much action and tension that it will leave you with a techicardia. I am not kidding. It was non-stop for me. I thought I was going to have a heartattack. I fucking loved it. And the ending....its perfect.

I do think that Leonardo DiCaprio was robbed again for his awards. He did a fantastic job in this film. I am waiting for Blood Diamond to come out on video later this month so that I can tell you that he got snubbed for that movie too. Everything he is in is wonderful - he never lets you down at all. Definetly 10 stars out of 5. Its just ridiculous how good this film is. My favorite part of the movie? I would say is the twist.

Next we have Running With Scissors
I did like this movie not because of the acting - even though Mr. Baldwin did a good job - and Annette Benning was like WOw. But because of its message. If you think you had it bad - this is bad. You know for those moments when you swear your family is fucked up in a certain way. Well, this is based on a true story and I think that the man who its based on is a man who is really strong. God knows that many would have just become junkies or suicide statistics. Good flick. But its not for everyone. Rating 3 starts out of 5.

Marie Antionette

If you are going to watch this movie - I suggest you read about the Ex- queen. This movie only makes "sense" if you know about her life and history. Even though my mother didnt know about her she loved the film as I did. This is very Sofia Coppola - and if you dont like her films dont watch it. But if you want to see something different with meaning behind it and a splash of history of a quiet Austrian princess thrown into a marriage at 15 - that didnt consumate for another 7 years - with struggles and agsnt and fashion sprees this is for you. I give it three starts out of 5.

I DID !! I DID!!

I finally did ! I have been so amused by the curiosity as to why I never see any handicap individuals in the restroom. Even though legally all restrooms are supposed to require them I never see any there. Have you?
Any who - as I opened the restroom door before heading to class I accidently hit someone. It was the wheelchair of a handicap person. Yes, I accidently hit her chair... She was waiting for someone that was using her restroom stall.
As the adjacent stall emptied I took my time to pee. Curiously listening to the handicap girl. There was a lot of noises. Clanking, banging, steel hitting something, toilet bowl banging, but no pee. I didnt get it. What was she doing in there. I could swear that I almost looked over. But remorse of the thought crawled up my spine and I remembered that I didnt want to get screamed at - or worse be strolled and questioned by the campus Police hahahaha. Oh that was so funny.
Anyways, I am still with that curiosity over the damn thing. Then when I got home and turned on the news. There was a guy at the airport (in a wheelchair, because hes one of those old people who request them) getting taken away and yelled at by this other lady who was in tears and in horror. You'll never guess it. She was taking a pee at the airport restroom when all of a sudden she sees the "dirty dirty" man looking at her - watching her pee from UNDER the stall!!!
You know what I thought? Damn guy shoud have looked for a handicap girl .

AM I going to hell? Maybe - lord knows I have crossed the line before with much worse thoughts.

Finishing My 5 Year Plan

I thought I might share my 5-year plan from 5 years ago with you all. It is coming to a close and I am completing one of the most important goals from my plan. At the time I was 18 years old and living the life of a free bird that was starting to spread its wings and fly fly fly. In other words only dream of things before they actually happen. Dreams are good - when conceivable!
Remember a goal isnt a goal until you write it down. Statistically if you write it down there are more chances of you completing it. Here goes:

5 years ago

1 - Get my own car under my own name.
2 - Finish paying car.
3 - Get my AA and my Bachelors.
4 - Start on my Masters.
5 - Move out into my own Apartment.
6 - Getting a good job.

Today:
- I got my own car, finish paying it in FEb next yr.
- Got my AA
- Finishing my Bachelors in April!!!!!!! - Most important goal WOO HOO, Gettin 'er Done!!!
- Still living at home :(
- Still looking for a better job :( :(

That's present day fast fowarded.. Sure I dont have some things, but I am getting there. I figure once I get my good job I can get the fuck outta the house n getmeself an apartment. I have to start thinking about where I will do my Masters - regardless I will be needing loans. So I will see what happens. THat's pretty much the update.

Well, I thought of doing something different on this blog. I will be doing what I like to call "Picture Day" on Fridays or Saturdays. And I chose this one because - it just seems to speak to me.. hmmph oh well.


I have had these crazy things that go through my mind all the time and I wanna share one with you. I was in class on thursday. I sat there in a stadium-looking audotorium of a classroom. I got there early for my psychology exam. (Which I may add I am positive I did horrible in) While I sat there and had nothing better to do - I just watched the classroom and its people. And hell, if I say so myself people watching is fun. No, not peeping - thats just sick and perverted - and no its not the same thing. People watching is interesting, its like those white folk that like to bird watch - same concept. Anywho, as I sat there bored all I can think of was how badly I wanted a camera phone. I had so many pictures to take nad no camera to take it with.

1 - The fat girl: This young lady decided to wear - on this particular day - shorts that were coochie cutters. Now for those of you who dont know what that is they look like this:
Yes, this is the original Daisy Duke - in the original Coochie cutters. Looks nice on a woman with nice legs don't it? Weel try seeing it on a LARGE girl that is obese if you were to weigh her and take her height. That girl had some serious self esteem. Cause that cottage cheese on her thighs, knees, elbows, and for got sakes her toes! I wish I was exagerrating. But the girl looked like Norbits crazy obsessed stalker: This is exactly what the girl looked like. Cheese n all. Funny thing is - she bent over in front of me too. It was quite a sight I wish never to see again - unfortunetly she dropped her pencil and couldnt seem to reach it - she kinda struggled to bend over her stomache annd cheesy legs.

2. The crazy hippie-chick. I have this girl in this class and she is the only ass hole that decides to have a conversation with the professor on OUR TIME. Yes people, you know that annoying girl that LIKES to ask questions and because of her you get the teacher rambling on about her question instead of finishing up the lecture so we can leave early and get on with our lives? Yes that fucking girl. It just so happens she like some hippe chic - wild hair like shes in the 70's or maybe even that weird hair era of the '84. Anyways her wild hair - that looks mighty crispy, was looking like it hadnt been washed for 3 decades and had random braids all over. As she sat there, she twisted our her braids letting loose a fury of wild greasy hair that begged for a pair of scissors and shampoo.
It was straight yet bushy - with weaved & unweaved braids... That was weird. She usually has it frazzled but not that bad. Must be that time of the month or something. We tend to get really careless at that time.

3 - I don't think I have ever seen so much ass on thursday as I have any other day - or wish to see any day. I am telling you - What is wrong with girls that like to wear tiny pants!!! I dont wanna see your baggage! I mean - I almost saw couters one time. Yuckiesssss. But this is what I saw all the time while waiting in class for my exam to start :






This is not fun to see. This is actually a good article about the low rise ass-crack-G-string wearing problem. Funny part about it is, it was written in 2003 - it is 2007 , how things have not changed...

I dont know if I am the only one that thinks this but - have you ever sat bored somewhere and just wished and prayed to the heavens above for someone to give you a sliver of entertainment by busting their ass? Or am I the only one? SEriously, there was this one fucking girl that kept going up and down and up and down the steps - I just started secretly, evily plotting her trip and landing onto her face . Shit I started getting creative and pictured her breaking her little heal slipping foward onto the backs of the other students that were sitting and maybe even having her hit her teeth smack into the back of the metal chair - I could see that as funny...but it never happend. I just sat there...waiting... and nothing else interesting happend.
Hmm...

TEEN PREGNANCIES

I saw this article and couldnt resist posting it. I dont understand the fascination of pregnancy to the extreme to where its "cool" or "in style". Especially when you and your day year old child will be living under a bridge, waiting for the next wel-fare check to come to your mothers house that youve been kicked out of.
It is a life-chaging experience and should be a blessing - but for the sake of trying to be "cool"? Get the fuck outta here with that shit. Anyways - read along and if you are disgusted as I was when I read it ...(as Borat would say) HIGH FIIIVEEE!!!!


Pregnant U.K. 14-Year-Old Says Teen Girls Think Its "Fashionable" To Have A Baby
- February 28, 2007 by




In a statement that is a blow to British government's sex education policy, a pregnant 14-year-old says having a baby is now regarded as "fashionable" among schoolgirls. The pregnant teen from Torbay in Devon, said that her friends are envious of her bump and many of them have expressed their desire to have a baby too.
Kizzy Neal is quoted by The Daily Mail as saying, "Teenage girls think babies are cute, but they forget the physical side of being pregnant, then having to give up your own childhood to look after a baby. It seems to be fashionable to get pregnant."
Kizzy became pregnant the first time she had sex with her 13-year-old boyfriend and is due to give birth in May. She is aiming to take three months leave from her studies at Paignton Community College in Devon, before resuming her GCSE lessons next September.
However, many experts believe that the British government should strengthen its sex education program and as official figures show England and Wales have the highest rates of teenage pregnancies in Europe. The biggest increase is seen among girls under 16.