I always said that I wouldnt surround myself with people who werent real with me or real friends. And with life has taught me, ive learned to get rid of those i dont need. So I had a bridesmaid who wasnt up to par. And on top of that i started thinking that she never wanted to be in the wedding at all. So the signs showed me what was up - that and i ran a few tests just to make sure it wasnt just me being a girl and over sensitive. This fucking chic tried to merry go round me and i caught her at her game.
The first thing i did with everyone i asked was a very honest question: "Do you want to be part of the wedding or would you like to just go to the wedding?" I think thats me being super fucking fair. Right?
I thought I was even being thoughful, because i know that not a lot of people want to pay for the dresses or really spend money to go to this wedding crap. I didnt even want a party/reception i just wanted to get married by church and them buy my house. But my fiance wants the whole shabang, and all of a sudden i find myself 10 grand down the whole with this thing. So yea, its a big fucking deal, when you tell the bride that your gonna be in the wedding.
Anyways, I was nice about it really, especially after their daunting text about, maybe not being able to be in the wedding, to im not gonna be in the weddin anymore. Whatever.
Someone told me at the beginning of this whole wedding planning that i will find out who my true friends really are and i will see who the slackers are. Because the last thing i ever want is to have someone walk my wedding and then never be able to hear from them again. Its disappointing and its just not me. I want to be surrounded by those who love me and my man. And love that we are finally together.
I dont want half ass friends. I dont need that at all. So i simply wont have it. Its fine that everyone has their own shit to do, thats totally understandable but having someone around that doesnt give a shit is a totally different. Being at different points in your life is great, thats what makes up different people, but never contacting someone or ever making an effort to show that you care is different too.
Anyways, i was real cool about it, and i told her no prob, i got someone else to replace you and that i hope they get what they wanted.. as per the text they sent me. I wasnt rude or a bitch as i usually am. And i didnt say my peace really either, because honestly i dont give a shit anymore. If that person doesnt give a shit about me i wont make it known to her that i do. So i left it at that. I deleted her from my myspace, my emails, my cell phone, and my life pretty much. And if she were to read this blog before she finds out - even though she wouldnt because she never calls me anyways or picks up my calls, so there it is...shes outta my life. And if she reads this, she wont care anyways.
The saddest part about this, is that she was the one who got me and my fiance together in the first place, hhahah so sad.
12 comments:
happened to see your blog about rude bridesmaid, and i am having similar situation right now ~ all i can say is, they are just jealous! which means she is not your true friend, you should just enjoy your happiness and forget about those unhappy people.
Oh don't I know this feeling!!! I am getting married in just over a week and after months of knowing it is a FORMAL wedding (as my fiance wanted the whole shebang too), one of my bridesmaids comes out and says her hubby doesn't DO formal and that he would be wearing black JEANS. So when I mentioned that maybe he could borrow a pair instead of spending money on something he wouldnt wear again, he chucked the shits and said he wasn't coming to the wedding anymore and she stuck up for him by sayin that his feelings were hurt cos I thought more of what he wore than the effort he made to attend...now it has become the biggest shit-fight and I am just about to tell her to give me the dress and i will pay her the money back for it as I have already asked someone to replace her!! I say, there is nothin better than being prepared!!!!!! She has wrecked the feeling of excitement I should be feeling and is blaming me for her hubby being hurt and a prick!!! Well it seems she couldn't care less that she is wrecking my excitement leading up to our wedding!!! HA!! Some mate!!! I thoroughly agree, FUCK THEM OFF if they fuck you around as they are not your true friend!!!
I am going through a VERY similar situation. I've walked on eggshells to pick and choose my words and battles carefully. I've not asked this bridesmaid to do very much at all. I put faith in her to do one thing and she procrastinated until I had to call her out on it. I feel that she is subconsciously sabotaging me because she is jealous of me. I am not trying to sound vain, but I think she is. I am so excited and so happy right now and she is this little dark cloud hanging over me trying to ruin and sabotage this for me. Selfish and rude, that's all I can say! I won't care if she bails! I don't want to look at my pictures and remember my wedding only to think "Oh yeah and that BITCH!"
I have to say, don't wait til she bails - get rid of her now!!! I told my bridesmaid it was best if she just came as a guest and they didn't even end up coming and now we have just got back from our honeymoon (so its about 3wks since my last comment) and we still havent even spoken...so believe me if you don't do something now you will end up looking at your photos with that dark cloud hanging over you! I replaced her with a great girl and I wholeheartedly confirm that the four girls that I had with me on our wedding day were the best decision I could have made, they all got along great and they had all exchanged phone numbers and are all friends now on facebook etc... I have no bad memories of my wedding and loved every minute and look back on it now and KNOW that it was the girls that got me thru and made it for me!!! I hope you have the same result, a stress free and happy wedding day!!!! You deserve it, especially after all those months of organising it!!! I wish you luck with it all.
my wedding is coming up soon too and his two little sisters asked me, no, scratch that, texted, yes texted HIM saying that the dresses i chose for the bridesmaids are so simple and they don't want to pay that much money for such a simple dress, and is it alright if they just buy some fabric that's similar in color and get someone else to make the dresses for them. and he didn't even see anything wrong with this and asked me like it was a good idea.
THEN, my other bridesmaid says she can't afford to and bails. which i KIND OF understand, but she waited till 3 months before the wedding to tell me. so now i'm scrambling to find a replacement and one that will understand my situation and not feel like runner up.
i hate my own wedding!
I just got married less than a month ago, and I had to tell my Maid of Honour to get lost the night before the wedding! She arrived a few days before the ceremony, for the rehearsal and all, and proceeded to whine and bitch and go on endlessly about how sad and pathetic her lovelife was. She was either bitching about her 2nd ex-husband, from whom she has been divorced now for over 5 years, or she was frothing at the mouth at the idea of going out clubbing so she could meet a new man. It was all about her - wah, wah, wah. She pissed off the one other bridesmaid I had and made us late for everything. She was dismissive and cold towards both my new hubby and his best man. She was a complete nightmare. It all came to a head when told me that she wouldn't be showing up to honour the contract I'd signed with a professional hair and makeup artist. Instead, she'd show up just before the ceremony. This is supposed to be my Maid of Honour...hello...she's supposed to be by my side the whole morning, helping me into my dress, etc. What a selfish piece of work. I basically told her off, and my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.
I gotta say, I agree with the whole jealous thing. I have a friend who is now with this guy and apparently they're "super serious", whatever that means, and before I got engaged she told me they had talked about engagement rings. This is the same girl who, the minute I told her my wedding colors, said "great! 'cuz all those look good on me!"
So now, she's not talking to me at all, and she's on gchat all the time and on facebook for forever and a day. And the more I think about it, the more I think she's jealous that I'm getting married and she's not.
So, I'll call her on it eventually I think, but for right now, I'm just hoping he doesn't propose at my reception...
Oh and, she conned me into letting her boyfriend come (I wanted to implement no ring no bring) by telling me she was going on a cruise leaving from the city my wedding's in the day after my wedding. After I said the bf could come, the cruise has mysteriously disappeared....
It's sad to see that I am not the only one with bridesmaid drama. I do not wish any bride this kind of stress. After reading the posted comments I don't feel alone in this, but am still very confused with what happened today. It started back in October when I picked out my dress and the bridesmaids dresses. I gave them 4 months notice of what dress to buy and the cost etc. My 1 bridesmaid we will call her Amy- whom was the 1st person I asked and (she is also a make up artist-new to the business and offered the day I got engaged to do my make up and my sister (MOH) makeup free of charge), told me the night before the deadline that she could not afford the dress. So I paid for the deposit, and since I had scratched up her car the year before and she never asked me to pay for it I told her not to worry and I did not want her to pay me back.
My girls threw me a shower b/c my Mom an grandmother live 3000 miles away. Amy was almost non-existent and throughout it people were asking if everything was ok with her, so I did the awkward asking to make sure everything was ok, gave her the option to bow out with no hard feelings if she could not afford the time or money to be in the wedding - I get it and it is ok!
She was late for my shower and left early.
I found out that she had said numerous times that she wanted to know what my mother and grandmother contributing to the shower and that she thought they should pay for it all! (the fucking nerve!) I dealt with that. After the shower I emailed her to find out what is going on. At the same time I told her the girls are going to get their make up done when they get their hair done. Her response to me was that she could no longer do my sisters make up for free and that she would be charged $55 or $60. I fucking lost it. After the way she had been acting I took this as a stab at me because I could not bring her additional business. I had my words with her and my sis sent her an email. I did not object because I felt she was making this into a business transaction rather then a favor for me - her close friend of 7 1/2 yrs. The following day I received an email from Amy about the email from my sis and she thought my sis was a terrible MOH and that she did not spend "a red cent:" on my shower etc (My sister had advised Amy that my mother was helping her with the shower.) WTF is it any of her business about anyone’s financial situation?! The MOH and the rest of the girls gave their time, their money and STILL gave me a gift! (I was not expecting that) So Amy and I went for a drive and had a very long talk. WELL since then she has been distant and cold and when it came time to pick up her dress she asked me "if we could make an arrangement" because she did not have the money. The dress was a total of $200, and I paid half! She couldn't save $25 a month to pay the rest? I told her I could not help and she found a way to pay for it.
Today, after all her coldness and distance, regardless of how hard I tried, she emailed me and told me that she was getting a quote for her car and would let me know how much I owe her - 16 MONTHS LATER and after I had asked her numerous times after it happened to give me the quotes etc, and her response always was that don't worry about it, it was an accident, (yes believe it or not - we were this tight) . After everything I was already at the point where I regretted asking her to be my bridesmaid., I’d had it. I told her to take the money she would have used for the wedding and put that towards her car cause she is out of the party and not welcome at our wedding.
The following emails consisted of her saying that both myself and my MOH had disrespected her many times over the last few months, and that I needed to learn respect and that I was acting like trash!
I am not sad about the friendship, cause I knew it was coming, I felt it, but because I don't understand what happened I feel like...this is a bad dream. Now my wedding party is uneven, I have to now find a make up artist and I have lost a friend. WTF!
Reading your posts has put me at ease. I had no idea that people can be so insensitive and bitchy towards their close friend who is at one of their most happiest moments in life-until it happened to me. I have a bridesmaid who has been an ultimate bitch. She's disinterested, blatantly refused to try on dresses and dismissive of any conversation regarding wedding planning. I told her off-in public (my bad)-and let her know that i did not appreciate the doom and gloom that she was bringing over the excitement of my marriage. I should be thoroughly excited and instead I feel like I have to walk on egg shells and hide my excitement because she is down in the dumps. I try not to be annoying and talk about the wedding the whole time and the one time I bring it up, she has a frickin attitude. I would never be like that-ever! ..and when she finally finds a man to marry her i'm sure she'll expect people to be sooo excited. The thought of dismissing her from my bridal party has crossed my mind a couple of times cause on the real, im not trying to deal with the attitude at any point in time-especially the days leading up and the day of of course. The passive attitude is just as bad as being a hater. i swear...when you're down in the dumps, people want to be around you to hear the drama but when shit is good, they wanna hate and try to bring you down. get the @%#^! outta here and go pray for forgiveness! I'm bout to go cuddle with my boo ;)
Thank you guys for sharing all your stories. It is unbelievable to me as well the insensitivity that comes along with weddings. People just love to choose to hurt you when you are at your most sensitive and vulnerable. I'm glad I was able to comfort you all and give you a sense of unity with this post. Apparently things like these happen more than often said out loud.
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